


Can't Buy Me Love

by katjh



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sex Shop, M/M, Pre-Slash, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-07
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2017-12-31 19:51:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1035703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katjh/pseuds/katjh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint Barton owns/manages a sex sho--sorry, an adult store. One day, Phil Coulson walks in looking for some sex toys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Buy Me Love

**Author's Note:**

> For AdamantSteve, who posted "I went past a sex shop today and thought of the vaguest AU ever:
> 
> Clint Barton works in a sex shop. Phil Coulson stops by to buy something.
> 
> SPARKS FLY"
> 
> and inspired me to skip out on writing my NaNo novel and studying for my aerodynamics midterm tomorrow to write this.

 Working in a sex toy – sorry, an adult store – is not as fun as one might think it is. Clint's responsible for the place and he's the one at the counter most days so he gets to see all the patrons. It's pretty easy to tell who's underage and who isn't. The underage ones come in with their friends and giggle over dildos and bondage gear and the (admittedly sometimes awful) porn on display. But then there are the couples, who come in and point things out to each other. There was one couple who was obviously completely in love and pretty into the BDSM scene because one of them picked out a collar and the other paid for it. It was sweet and pretty fuckin' adorable.

 

But most of the time, the job is, believe it or not, boring. When he's not keeping an eye on the kids who come in just to laugh and never to buy anything, he's mopping the floors or checking inventory or ordering the latest Spring Break porno.

 

Today Clint is flipping through a new magazine he's been sent from the publisher and trying to decide if he's going to stock it. It's nothing special, not like the fetish mags or hentai stuff that people come here for, but it's got naked people in it, and that's kind of Clint's thing. He barely glances up when the door opens, but as the customer passes the counter, he completely forgets about the magazine. The customer is a middle-aged man in a suit. He has bright blue eyes and a sort of out-of-his-depth look to him.

"Need any help?" Clint asks, keeping his tone as casual as possible. And, fine, adult stores can get some real good eye candy too.

Clint would have pegged (ha!) the man for knowing the sort of thing he wanted, but instead he says, "Um... I'm not actually sure what I'm looking for."

Clint closes the magazine and puts it under the counter. "Okay, I'm Clint and I manage this place so I think I can narrow down what's best for you."

The man extends his hand and says, "Phil."

Clint shakes his hand; the guy's hand is warm and not at all sweaty, which is a little unexpected for a man who looks nervous stepping into an adult store. "All right, Phil. Are you looking for something for yourself or to use with a partner?"

"Myself," Phil says, eyes darting around the store. It's a decent-sized shop, so it can be a little intimidating, Clint knows. But he's helped people shop for their first sex toy before and they usually don't go anywhere else after they've been introduced to things by Clint.

"What are you into?" Clint asks. "I mean, we've got fleshlights, which, like, you fuck 'em. Or we have dildos specifically for anal use if you prefer that. There are vibrating cock rings too, which are intense. Or if you're a little more old-fashioned, there's a giant porn section near the back."

Phil looks around again and licks his lips. "Do you... Do you have butt plugs?" he asks.

"Of course." Clint leads Phil down an aisle. "All shapes and sizes. Some are vibes with a remote control. This," he says, pulling out a package, "is one of our best-sellers."

Phil takes a look at the packaging on the butt plug. He's actually reading all of the information, Clint notices. Most people just buy whatever Clint recommends.

"It's silicone and has a good battery life," Clint says. "Triple As, by the way. You should use water-based lube with it, just as an FYI."

Phil turns the box over and then hands it back. "I think I'd like to start with something simple first," he says.

Clint nods. "All right," he says, and moves further down the aisle. He ends up pulling out about seven different plugs for Phil, who looks over them all very carefully. One of Clint's regulars, a redhead named Natasha, comes in and Clint has to excuse himself for a minute so she can pay for the rabbit vibrator she's buying. He notices Phil subtly trying to check him out and bites back a grin. When he's done at the register, Clint walks back to Phil. Phil has moved on from the butt plugs, though he's still holding one, and now he's looking through vibrators with that same intensity.

"You need anything?" Clint asks, and he totally doesn't regret the way that sounds, how his voice is a little husky and low.

Phil looks at the wide range of vibrators. "Is there any you would suggest?" he asks softly.

Clint immediately goes to pick one out. "I've used this one before," he says. "It's got a ton of vibe settings. I mean, you can get a really intense constant vibrating or you can choose, like, three different pulse patterns."

There's a hint of a red flush at Phil's neck that Clint is secretly enjoying. "I-it looks good," Phil says, and takes it from Clint.

"You're gonna want some lube with those," says Clint. "Water-based for both, it looks like." On the way to the lube they pass nipple clamps, and Phil pauses at the display.

"Are these any good?" Phil asks.

Clint shrugs. "If you like nipple play. Mine aren't particularly sensitive unless you use the clamps, but I don't... I'm not gonna get off just on that."

Phil swallows thickly. "I think I'd like to buy some," he says.

Clint is more than happy to find the perfect set for Phil. He tries very hard not to imagine them on him, or the slim plug up Phil's ass, but the images keep popping into his head as he explains the difference between water-based and silicone-based lube. Phil ends up buying the plug, vibrator, nipple clamps, and a big bottle of water-based lube and then apologizes for taking up so much of Clint's time.

"No worries," Clint says as he rings up all the items at the counter. He gives Phil the total and prints off the receipt, then scribbles his phone number at the bottom. "If you have any questions about how to use these, don't hesitate to call." He winks charmingly.

Phil picks up his bag and receipt and then looks Clint in the eye. "Do you wanna help me break these in later?" he asks.

Clint grins. "Let me close the shop up and I'll teach you everything you need to know about sex toys," he says.

 

It's going to be a fantastic night.

**Author's Note:**

> I have an exam tomorrow that I really, REALLY need to study for so I can't actually write the porny part of this yet but IT WILL HAPPEN I SWEAR.


End file.
